Marriage Jokes

Why Are Married Women Heavier than Single Women?

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A guy goes into a bar and orders a double martini.

martiniHe downs it in one gulp, and then takes a photo out of his pocket and stares at it for a minute. [read more…]

A husband tells his wife, “Honey, you’re wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger.”

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After 40 years being married to a miserable nag, a tycoon changed his will…

…so his wife would inherit his entire fortune, as long as she remarried within three months of his passing. “Why do you want to do that?” asked his lawyer.

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A marriage counselor wanted to find out about the wife’s emotional state…

…so he asked her,”Did you wake up grumpy this morning?”

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Wedding Anniversary Gift

Two guys were talking at work about their wives, and one asked the other, “So what are you going to get your wife for your twentieth wedding anniversary?” “Well,” said the other, “I was thinking about a trip to Australia. She’s never been there before, and I think she’d really like it.”

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A Man Doesn’t Know His Wife

A boy was studying when he asked his father, “Is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until they’re married?”

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A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was always tired.

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The Missing Husband

A woman reported her husband missing. The policeman came to her door and asked her for a description.

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Lost My Wife

A man was sitting at a bar, getting pretty drunk. The bartender told him, “You’d better slow down there. I think you’ve had enough.” The man disagreed, “I just lost my wife!”

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